I've blown a few things in my day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
