dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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