Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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