Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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