Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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