I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
