we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
