i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
