Don't you send me to vm
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
