dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm passing your future prison.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
