I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
