just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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