I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
