i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
