is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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