Just fell off a train. Bad.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
