Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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