i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
