A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize