i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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