Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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