So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
