I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
