If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The air was thick with penises
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
