I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother