I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?