matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.