1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
