I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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