M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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