I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
