Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
