That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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