How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
