I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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