He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
