i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just forgot I was standing up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
