My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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