Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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