Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
