I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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