Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
