Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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