I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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