I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
