well I can't set my house on fire every night
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
