My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
