some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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