Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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