he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
