so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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