So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
