you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
