The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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