I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
