Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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