I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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