Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
