I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
