DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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