We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
