If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
