hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
