it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
