Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize