If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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